Jokes Thread
#1
Wink 
Post the jokes on Religion, God, superstitions, atheism etc in this thread.



A couple had two children aged 8 and 10, who were extremely mischievous.

They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town,
their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town
had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning,
with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice,
sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Where is God?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and bellowed,
"WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room,
ran directly home and dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet,
he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time, dude.




God is missing - and they think WE DID IT!" Sad
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#2
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'"

"That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say, "Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?"

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "PUT THE BIBLE AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!"
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#3
Catholics are against abortions.
Catholics are against homosexuals.
But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! -- George Carlin
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#4
Why God never got a PhD
-----------------------

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
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#5
I heard this from Hemant's talk in a conference on YT.

Math class:
1 + 1 = 2
a^2 + b^2 = c^2
sqrt(-1) = god..
I was laughing for quite a long time for this Big Grin
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#6
In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: "What part of the body goes to heaven first?"

In the back of the class, nasty Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child. "Yes, Susan?"

"The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives."

"Excellent," said Sister Mary, "and you, Charlotte?"

"The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death."

"Very good, Charlotte," said the Sister, as she noticed Billy's hand still waving in desperation."

"OK, Billy, what do you think?"

"It's the feet that go first, Sister, the feet."

"That's a strange answer Billy. Why the feet?"

Billy answered, "Because I saw my mom with her feet up in the air, shouting, 'God, I'm coming, I'm coming!'"
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#7
Damn it!!! Where is the like button when I need it! Brilliant Shrihara Big Grin

PS: Add a facebook like button admins, If possible. There are tons of plugins. I'm sure there is one for PHPBB as well.
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#8
@mohankarthik, The Like button and other features are in the pipeline and we hope to have them on the site in a few days. We are discussing ways to improve the site. Since this site is run by volunteers who have full time jobs, we don't get as much time as we would like to in order to improve the site. If you are a tech guy and can help us out, stick around the site and we'll let you know when we need help smile
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#9
[Image: NUNS.jpg]

There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).


It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.



SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to **** us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate we will reach us in 2 minutes 43 seconds at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster..



A little while later...



SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man worked out our logic. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute 28 seconds.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.



They both will split their ways. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.




SM: Sister Logical! Thank God! You're here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me..

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down. W00t
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#10
[Image: 91_funny_nuns.jpg]

Five Catholic women are having drinks together at a bar.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Excellency'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Patriarch. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Beatitude'."

The forth Catholic woman says "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fifth Catholic woman was guzzling beer in silence.

The first four women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
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#11
http://www.gkhamba.com/
Lol
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#12
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
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