Say No to Arranged Marriage
#1
Just mentioning now. Will get back to detailed course of action after the exams are over.Thumbup
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#2
Ever since I was a little kid the idea of arranged marriage seemed like something that happened to other people, and I never associated it with myself. It always seemed like an alien concept to me, something that I observed with the detached fascination of an anthropologist studying an Amazonian tribe.

My parents never pressured me, but then again they've had a good 15 years of being informed of my non-traditional approach to life. Last year I learned that my younger brother is interested in getting hitched through an arranged marriage.

All the arguments for/against arranged marriage aside, I think that the major reason why arranged marriage persists in India is because the traditional roles played by men and women are responsible for creating the most unhealthy of attitudes and relationships between the sexes. It is a culture based on repression of natural instincts that need to be celebrated, resulting in severely under-developed social skills when dealing with the opposite sex. Simply put, the puritanic attitudes regarding male-female interaction among children and young adults are responsible for requiring arranged marriage as a means for these people to find mates. Without the help of their parents/elders, most Indians would make terrible choices in choosing a suitable partner, and many would be completely unable to get anywhere with the opposite sex.
"Fossil rabbits in the Precambrian"
~ J.B.S.Haldane, on being asked to falsify evolution.
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#3
Add to that, the way in which female children are treated right from childhood to adolescence in preparation for a life with the in-laws, and you get a recipe for such a repressed culture that it is very difficult to make a case for celebrating it in terms of more modern, libertarian ideals.

Matrimonial classifieds make me sick.

"Tall, fair, vegetarian Vaishnavite bride of 21-24 years age wanted."

Blech! Censored Thumbdown
Aditya Manthramurthy
Web Administrator & Associate Editor
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#4
Forced arranged marriages are responsible for many evils including the honour-killings.
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#5
Curious enough, you hardly see heroes and heroines in Bollywood or other films taking up arranged marriages. Guess it wouldn't make a great script.
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#6
I have a friend who confessed he would like to find a girl but didn't know how to go about it. In the end went for an arranged marriage. Another friend found it troubling that the caste identity of the girl may question his values (if he were to find the girl whose caste is above his). Thus went for arranged marriage within the caste.

The issue with weaker castes is generally more males go for higher studies and that is the time many of them find their partners. However, in those situations they meet disproportionately dominant caste females. And this is true at jobs too.

This has led resentment at the caste level where many parents see these out-marriages cutting short marriage prospects of the girls in the caste. So, I have heard active opposition to normal marriages (don't like to use love marriage....kind of sounds very shallow) not out of casteism but because of unequal marriage prospects of males and females in weaker castes. But I have seen among highly educated even girls of weaker castes out-marry a lot. But I'm not sure when everything is equal whether dominant caste girls have more prospects than weaker caste girls because of caste superiority/inferiority feelings.
Manju Vadiarillat
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#7
The so called "love marriages" are the best way to dilute caste identities. Say no to arranged marriage!
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#8
(10-Aug-2010, 10:51 PM)Ajita Kamal Wrote: All the arguments for/against arranged marriage aside, I think that the major reason why arranged marriage persists in India is because the traditional roles played by men and women are responsible for creating the most unhealthy of attitudes and relationships between the sexes. It is a culture based on repression of natural instincts that need to be celebrated, resulting in severely under-developed social skills when dealing with the opposite sex. Simply put, the puritanic attitudes regarding male-female interaction among children and young adults are responsible for requiring arranged marriage as a means for these people to find mates. Without the help of their parents/elders, most Indians would make terrible choices in choosing a suitable partner, and many would be completely unable to get anywhere with the opposite sex.

That's a very insightful observation. Arranged marriages also lead to unhappy marriages which stay put only because of cultural pressure.
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#9
Quote:That's a very insightful observation. Arranged marriages also lead to unhappy marriages which stay put only because of cultural pressure.

Added to that .. If and when somebody decides to split (which often entails anger and ill-will), the abuse of "law" makes sure there's plenty of harassment subsequent to the split, for many years.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry_law_in_India
Quote:IPC Section 498A
Police often file charges against the husband, his parents and other relatives (whoever being named on the complaint by the wife or her close relatives) and put them in jail. There is no penalty (even a fine) for filing a false case

Of course, all this calls for the usual overhaul of the system.
When I contemplate any social change, I often conclude that the essential first step in that direction is the establishment of proper law enforcement (police force, judiciary). That is what separates the developed nations from the developing nations. Unless freedoms (of speech, etc) are protected, we are going nowhere.

End rant.

Oh.. I have often wondered how the arranged marriage thing got started in India. Chalk it down to the usual invasions and wars, and multiple cultures sharing space.
http://society.indianetzone.com/weddings...edding.htm

Quote:There are also mentions of abductions of the women by men for marriage purpose. In fact, that was one acceptable way of acquiring the bride of one's choice. It was considered rather gallant of a man to display such act. In the later days, rights of women or even men while selecting their life partners changed due to social changes and wars, due to mixed inhabitant and cultures. It became a parent's duty to search for and invite the matching alliances for their children. It became necessary to perform a diligence check on any alliance before getting into a deal
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has - Margaret Mead
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#10
(12-Aug-2010, 09:18 PM)astrokid.nj Wrote: Added to that .. If and when somebody decides to split (which often entails anger and ill-will), the abuse of "law" makes sure there's plenty of harassment subsequent to the split, for many years.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry_law_in_India
Quote:IPC Section 498A
Police often file charges against the husband, his parents and other relatives (whoever being named on the complaint by the wife or her close relatives) and put them in jail. There is no penalty (even a fine) for filing a false case

Wow. We don't have enough laws to protect basic human rights and at the same time we also have laws which take away human rights. Ours is indeed the Land of Extremes.
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#11
In Delhi, I have seen graffiti ads promoting a group that is an alliance of men (ex husbands) who fight false dowry allegations. The ads tend to be very amusing, but as you pointed out, behind it lies a murky reality.
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#12
I made a post on my journal a while ago about what I felt about arranged marriages. Here's a little excerpt:

"In my opinion, getting married is like getting a roommate. In the real world, no one in their right mind would let their parents chose their roommate, or put up an ad in the newspaper and then meet the person just once with your entrire extended family sitting around you and then pick one room mate for the rest of your life. Neither would you pick a room mate based on a conversation, letters, photographs, hear-say, astronomy, numerology, palm reading, tarot cards, the BIBLE, or any religious text or even TEH INTERWEBZZ! Picking a roommate is important stuff. If means living with someone for a long period of time. Doing all sorts of things around each other: eating, sharing, watching TV, bathing, dressing up, talking, reading, farting, burping, having sex with other people or with yourself (LOL) etc. And if picking a life partner is more important than picking a roommate, why do people do it so carelessly and so impassionately. I work with a woman (who is actually a child in her head) who got married at 18. She never met her husband before her wedding, and she told me she trusted her parents judgement over her own. She didn't have sex for 3 months after she got married because she didn't how to have sex. And the first time she did it, she got pregnant. At 18. HOW IS THAT RATIONAL BEHAVIOUR!!! This sort of thing really frustrates me. I AM NOT JUDGING HER! She is a good person, and her husband is great to her as far as i've heard and she is a good mother to her daughter. But how can she say with a straight face that she trusts her parents judgement over her own. To say that is not only an insult to your own intellegence, it is an insult to the way your parents have brought you up. To have been raised to never be self sufficient and independant to even the smallest degree is just plain BAD PARENTING! It is the worst sort of parenting to be honest. I would be ashamed of my parents if they postponed a college education for the sake of marriage. I WOULD BE SO ASHAMED!! HOW is college less important that marriage!!?? I don't understand."

Well, not so little. But that pretty much sums up my views on arranged marriages. And apart from all the FAIL that is the concept of arranged marriage, how could you be "intimate" with someone you barely know, especially if it's your first time ever, and you have no real exposure to what intimacy really is.
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