Quote:I have got my two sons married very happily by arranged marriages. I am their well wisher better than anybody else and they trusted me to their benifit. (Madhukar Kulkarni)
This is very personal approach per se. We are discussing about the why arrange marriages are bad. And we will be more than happy to see that your children are happily arranged married. However, all arrange marriages are good on this given sample is nothing but a "Hasty generalisation".
I would like to quote on a little off bit on this topic "arrange marriages are so common in India"?
- Due to caste system. As caste system don't allow its members to marry outside the group, parents and elders took control over the most important decision of persons life, ie. Marriage.
- Joint family structure - This is relevant even today, parent are happen to live with atleast one of the child. Hence emphasis is given on the qualities of women who is going to come to the family. The responsibilities are taken over from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law; hence she must be well prepared in cooking and related work. So the daughter-in-law must be more compatible with her mother-in-law than her own husband.
- Young people are not very well allowed to have good interaction with opposite sexes. Hence the problem of connecting with person of other sex.
- Child marriage or early age marriage are still common.
- Many are married before establishing own financial stability hence depend more on parent's choice.
Why arrange marriages are bad?
- First of all, we must see what Human rights has to say about marriage,
(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
(2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
(3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.
My intention is not to declare that each arrange marriage is forced. But many of them are forced down to at least one party, bride or groom.
- It assumes that, only parents can think about the well-wish about children and hence the child has no right in the decision.
- The success rate of arrange marriage is often delusion, as it is pointed out by many members in this group.
- The social standing in India is so rigid, that people having problem with marriage often do not want to discuss it with anyone.
- I am not sure how can someone could have sexual feeling to other without having a prior known to the person.
- Many times, the person who already has psychological or other health problems are forced married, believing that the marriage will solve the cause.
- The problem of depression is big among Indian but culturally is not addressed correctly. Even the synonym for depression in Indian languages is not available (at least in Hindi or Marathi).
The structure of arrange marriage is changing with time. The influence of western culture cannot be denied. But having said that, opposing the system of arrange marriage, is not acceptance of western culture. We must be free to choose what is the best for us. :-)
Indians today are governed by two different ideologies. Their political ideal set in the preamble of the Constitution affirms a life of liberty, equality and fraternity. Their social ideal embodied in their religion denies them. - Ambedkar